


Retrospective: Air

by Zaniida



Series: Engaging the Fandom (POI) [8]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Contemplation, Gen, Meta, Pushing Yourself Too Hard, Season/Series 05, Self-Esteem Issues, Teamwork, Tenacity - Freeform, Worry, air, inadequacy, looking ahead, looking back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 23:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17253590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida
Summary: Struggling to complete the mission despite the limitations of his body and mind, Harold gets a little advice from the Machine.Set near the very end of the series.





	Retrospective: Air

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ioga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ioga/gifts), [Stingalingaling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stingalingaling/gifts), [PreachingtotheQuire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PreachingtotheQuire/gifts), [IMelopsittacus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMelopsittacus/gifts), [Fringuello](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fringuello/gifts), [Triss_Hawkeye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triss_Hawkeye/gifts), [satanicnightjar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/satanicnightjar/gifts), [Murus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murus/gifts), [EggsyYes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggsyYes/gifts).



> I don't have time to write up these complete notes right now (it's 9:30 PM before the shift to the new year -- much of the world is already in 2019!), but I'll come back here and update them after I've done my best to get a couple more pieces up in time.
> 
> But let me express my gratitude, this time, to my newest readers and fans, those who've come to me recently, inspired and encouraged me, and just, in general, enjoyed my work. And they're from all over the world ^_^ Some of them have been around AO3 a while but have only just discovered my work (Triss_Hawkeye). Others have migrated in from other sites (satanicnightjar). Some are new to POI as a fandom (Ioga), while at least one is new to fandom in general (PreachingToTheQuire). Several are just now starting to publish fics of their own, sometimes with astounding complexity for being newbies (IMelopsittacus, Fringuello, Murus, Stingalingaling -- and PttQ as well). And some have just _devoured_ my work, like a starving person who happened across a banquet (EggsyYes). (I'm sure I'm forgetting a couple, but that's only because of the surprising number of new readers; I don't have time to hunt through my comments section right now.)
> 
> It's been an absolute pleasure to watch you guys come in this year, to watch you enjoy and learn and blossom as creative artists in unexpected ways.
> 
> So this thank-you is aimed at the newer fans. Thank you all so much for joining us in this wonderful, crazy journey!

The storm that raged around the tower was loud enough to drown out almost everything else, but Harold’s breath was still loud in his ears as he struggled up yet another step, grasping the railing tight and trying his best not to think about all the steps that lay ahead of him.

In his ear, Root’s voice crackled to life. “If you push yourself too hard, you’re going to fall,” she—the Machine—said quietly.

“They’re waiting on me,” Harold gasped out, pulling himself forward. He was winded, and the act of climbing hurt; it was almost too much, but he could do this. He _had_ to do this. Everyone was counting on him. “I’m the one who—I set this up. They’ve done their parts; I have to—complete it.”

“Stop and catch your breath, at least.” The Machine was getting better at mimicking emotions; she sounded quite concerned. “You’re no use to anyone if you just collapse.”

“I can—I h-have—can’t stop to—”

Off-balance, Harold fumbled about in the air a bit before he managed to turn and sit down, trembling and drawing in quick, panting breaths.

“We’ve gone through this before, Harry,” the Machine’s voice said warmly. “As skilled as you are, you’re far from the only one in this battle. And you've got great plans, but when you bite off more than you can chew…”

Harold was far too out of breath to comment.

“You’ve got yourself pulled in so many directions, flitting all over the place… as if you haven’t yet realized that you’re just _one man_ , and you can’t do everything. Much as you might like to.”

“And yet—if I stop—”

“False dichotomy,” the Machine chided. “It’s not a choice between doing _all_ the things and doing _nothing_. It’s a matter of prioritization. Choose the most important pieces, and do what you need to to see them happen; the rest of the pieces can fit into the cracks or fall by the wayside, and it’s okay to let some of them go. You can't do everything.”

The windstorm picked up so loud that it felt like it was inside, within him, instead of outside, blocked by all the walls around them. At least until he got to the roof of the tower.

Not waiting until he could breathe normally again (because if he stopped too long, he might never get up at all), Harold struggled to his feet again, and started pulling himself up more of the steps. Each small victory brought him a little closer to completion.

“They’ll wait for you, you know.”

“I’m sure they’re—very patient.” But he couldn’t be that patient with himself.

**Author's Note:**

> As with last year's Retrospective, this is designed to say things about my own work and my journey last year, not just about Finch and in-series work. It's meta ^_^
> 
> I'll put up a longer contemplation about the history of this year, but I need to work on other things before midnight, so this is short for now. But the main concern on my mind, ever since late October, is that _Unseen Things_ was not finished in a timely manner -- after almost everyone else got their assignments finished well within the deadline, and generally did far more than the assignment required! (Hence why I feel that, despite how well the fic is coming, I let everyone down by being this slow.)
> 
> When I get a chance, I'll use this notes section to explain what went on with that, and how I expect it's going to go as this new year begins. I _will_ point out that for the past month or two, I've been chronically running on five hours' sleep most nights, and that has not been great for my ability to focus and stay on task. (My sleep schedule is always weird, and I'm up mostly through the night and sleep during the day/afternoon, but recently it's been worse than usual. I find it very hard to regulate.)
> 
> Anyway, in the meantime, happy New Year! (And I gotta go write some more.)


End file.
